Paula Bernstein “babbles” about the “hot-button issue” of cloth diapers and disposable diapers in her article, Cloth Diapers: Another Reason for Moms to Feel Guilty.
Bernstein points out that up until about 50 years ago, diapering was a simple decision – cloth was the only true option, so everyone used cloth. When Pampers emerged on the scene with a revolutionary new paper diaper, “only the diehards stuck with cloth”.
Stressed-out and Guilt Ridden over Diapers?
With the availability of new and improved disposable diapers, and the increasing amount of modernized cloth diapers on the market (Bernstein mentions brands like Happy Heiny’s and bumGenius!), she writes that the increase in choices “inevitably lead to more stressed-out, guilty moms who feel that nothing they do is right.”
Later in the post, Bernstein quotes from Sharon Hays, a professor of contemporary gender studies at the University of Southern California, in her 1997 book, The Cultural Contradictions of Motherhood. “Hayes refers to ‘the extraordinary pressure of intensive mothering. Choice is supposed to be a good thing,’ she continues, ‘but it becomes overwhelming when there is this nagging sense that you must somehow do it right.’”
Where do you stand on the issue?
Bernstein asks the question, “Will cloth diapering be yet another point of conflict among moms, with those who use them judging those who don’t as lazy or selfish?”
There are a good number of comments following her post – where do you stand?
Are cloth diapers the next point of contention? Will cloth diapering mothers snub those who don’t? Is this the next hurdle of Motherhood many will trip over or is this conversation just another way to justify living with the rule of convenience?
Photo Source: Bernstein, Paula. “Cloth Diapers: Another Reason for Moms to Feel Guilty.” Photo. Babble.com 5 July 2010.
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Becca is a part-time Spanish Teacher and part-time Stay-At-Home-Mom. She's a cloth diaper expert who enjoys spending time with her family, crafting and selling her wares in her very own
Julie is a mom to three kids including a set of identical twins. Through cloth diapering her twins she developed a passion for the industry and is an avid cloth diaper advocate. You can also find her on her blog
I don’t snub disposable diapering moms, or look down on them. It truly is their choice. Usually if the topic comes up, I get asked “Why do you use cloth diapers?” This gives me an opportunity to explain. If they are intrigued or interested I am happy to supply more informaiton. If it’s not for them, then that is their choice. I do, however, not like changing the disposables on other people’s kids. It just seems a little more yucky to me.
I think I’ll be a snob and look down on those who use disposables, at least those who use ONLY disposables. Maybe it’s an OK choice for babies (They have lots of chemicals but so does EVERYTHING) but the landfill aspect effects the entire world, not just your child, and that is selfish on a whole ‘nother scale.
I think it already is that divisive. I’m pretty new to the CD world myself, but I’ve read sooo many snarky, judgmental comments on blogs, facebook discussions, etc. I’m not saying all CD moms are that way, but the opinion is out there: “My choice is the right choice. You’re in the wrong.”
And I’ve been the recipient of judgment on the other side of the issue. Two of my friends husbands were asking me questions about my daughter’s diapers and one looked at his wife and said, “I’m more than happy to pay for disposable diapers for as long as our children need them.” I suppose the implication was that I’m cheap and not smart or something?! Either way, I wanted to punch him.
Just as with anything (natural childbirth vs. epidural, ferberize vs. cry it out vs. cosleep forever, breastfeed vs. formula) if there’s a line to divide the masses, there will be those who condemn others on the opposite side of the line. CD is not for everyone. It certainly wound be better for the planet and for baby’s butts if it were the only option. But it’s not.
I only started using cloth when my second child was 15 months old so I would never look down on moms who don’t use cloth. I think the bottom line is education. I asked about cloth when I was pregnant with my first child and everyone I talked to, some who used cloth with their kids (15 years ago), said it was hard, gross, messy, and I would never stick with it. I believed them since I was a new mom. Now, my friends do ask me about it and once I show them a diaper, they are shocked at how easy they are. We just need to get the word out and show people it’s no longer the hard, gross mess it was when we were kids.
I am less concerned for THE MOTHER who is “inevitably lead to more stressed-out, guilty” and “feel{s} that nothing they do is right.” and far more concerned with HOW it got to be that so many moms feel they are judged. I don’t know how to relate the this seeming “I’m not worthy” feeling. Is this a real issue? Are we so insecure in this world? Or is this an authors attempt to dig for anything at all to support her theories and grabbed for something, anything! I definately cannot relate the the mother who is so insecure that she WORRIES what other people think of her diapers or how shelfish she is that it would interfere with her ability to be a good mother. I think the mother that is seriously anxious over this issue needs to look at all aspects of her life to see if she could be happier doing something else. If that something else is disposeable diapers, then she should be proud that she is doing something to support her own bliss because being a mother is a great thing and difficult at times. We don’t really need more things to worry about. We difinately don’t need worry implanted into our heads from articlse, where there was no worry before. I think this aritcle presents a non-issue and tries to make it an actual issue.
I’ve found that there’s a lot of self-righteous cloth diapering moms on the internet who put out a vibe that they’re better because they’ve NEVER used a disposable.
I use cloth, but I’m no purist. It’s got to work for me.
As for any cloth diapering moms I know personally, they’re great. I think there’s something about the internet that can bring out the worst (and best) in us, unfortunately.
For example the Huggies Jean diaper commercial. It’s a funny commercial but there’s a lot of CD moms who took it waaaay too personally and were outraged.
Alas, I have been on the side of the fence where I judge (you know the 3-year old who walks around with a soother? That drives me nuts!!). So I guess we’re even.
With all of the obvious physical health benefits for baby, what’s with all the concern over the mother’s mental health? For every decision mothers make for their children, there will be someone judging it to be the “wrong” choice. To be good parents, I personally think these insecure women need to grow a thicker skin and confidently parent their children the best way they know how, regardless of what others think of them.
I think this is a ridiculous suggestion – that cloth v. disposable is going to be a problem when the guilt and judgement is the real problem. It’s like in that book “I was a really good mom before I had kids” – many women JUDGE. It doesn’t matter WHAT the choice is, some women will judge. The problem is not having choices. The problem is a psychosocial issue.
I agree that it is already a point of finger-pointing and blame gaming. I fail to understand why mothers want so badly to point out what other moms are doing *wrong*, when we all know that nobody’s perfect, nobody can do it all, and nobody feels more guilt than a mother. Why are we so mean to each other? I don’t give a flying hoo ha if you use cloth diapers or disposable ones, or if you breastfeed or bottle feed. As long as you make choices that you feel are best for your baby, I really do not care. I make the choices I feel are best for my daughter and me, and I expect to be able to do so without being insulted, blamed, guilt-tripped, or the like. Just cut it out, people. We need to be supporting other moms, not bashing them to make ourselves feel better. That NEVER works.
Those who judge other moms for their decisions will eventually get what’s coming to them….when they someday do something they swore they never would and realize that it’s not that bad, and maybe even good! Or perhaps when they get snubbed for the way they do something and realize how it feels to be on the other end.
Mothering is hard work, and we all need to be SUPPORTIVE of each other and realize there is no one right way to do everything. Every family has it’s own dynamics and things that work best for them. Moms who would judge another for what kind of diaper they use are just plain snobs in my opinion. Also, the one sure way to turn someone against your way of doing things is to insist that it is the ONLY right way and judge others for not doing the same.
I do tend to prematurely judge parents who use disposable diapers on their children. It’s not that they use the disposables, it’s that I assume they haven’t made an informed decision. The public stigma against cloth diapers prevents parents from considering cloth as an option. Most parents wouldn’t even consider using cloth. I find ignorance the worst excuse for making a decision. If I judge parents who have made the conscience decision to use disposables after researching both options thoroughly, then I am apologetic.
She talks as if guilt is always a bad thing. What about the times guilt is there for a reason? Perhaps, just maybe… there is a reason to feel guilt about disposables. Not individually, but for all America.
I don’t like it when people use the convenience excuse for disposables. That’s when I look down on it, why does everything have to be convenient. I understand some people do not have the resources to make it happen, but don’t say it’s inconvenient, just say you’re lazy.
As a soon-to-be first time mom, I have found the opposite to be true. Whenever people find out that we want to cloth diaper, they turn their noses up at us and roll their eyes, like ‘oh you silly little girl, you have no idea.’ My MIL has already bought us the denim huggies, despite our wishes, because she said we will never last at CDing. Where has the support gone, whats with all the judging? My mother CDed all her children and no one ever judged her. When did all this mother bashing start?
I recently started using cloth diapers after my husband lost his job and went back to school. I am a stay at home mom who is also going to school. We desperately needed to find a way to control costs and CDing was the best way that we could come up with. But really…why is it anyone’s business why I use cloth or disposables. My being a good mother is not based on the type of diaper I use but on my mothering. Our babies are getting their tushies changed and cleaned and thats all that should matter.
I started to use cloth diapers for my loved one the day she came home from the hospital and we haven’t looked back. I live in a NYC apt, so I washing them in the tub for a while, but I finally caved in and use the public laundry; i think I was giving myself arthritis if that is even possible! SO why did I get into cloth diapers? Well my first child was born at a time when I didn’t have a lot of cash flow, so i thought it would be more convenient to have the diapers on hand instead wondering if i would have enough $ to buy a pack… yeh, it was that bad. I felt that the decion for me was about CONTROL. I know, no matter what I would never run out, as long as i had a little soap and water. Now, my situation is a bit better, and in all actuality, i probably spend a lot of $ washing in the machines, but I still LOVE my Cloth diapers! I started making wool soakers, too (etsy PLuG: http://www.etsy.com/shop/lollyflower) I love my decision, and for me the environment wasn’t really my primary thought, it was secondary!
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